It's really strange how the mind of someone with a mental illness works! For example, a person experiencing hallucinations (whether it be auditory, visual, tactile, etc.) really truly and honestly believe they are seeing, hearing, or feeling things. For example, one of the patients with schizophrenia kept insisting she was pregnant despite the fact that her pregnancy test was negative. "Who is the father?" and she replied "the angel". She was seen mumbling to herself and when asked "who are you speaking to and where is this person?" she said "the angel and he is always here with me" as she continued to look to the corner of the ceiling. I'm honestly getting the heebee geebes just typing this...
We do have scientific explanations for such bizarre behaviors but it's hard to believe that an imbalance of neurotransmitters (as well as several other factors, all of which are not completely understood) could cause such changes in behavior and delusions and hallucinations that are all so very real to a person...
How do you convince a person that what they're experiencing is not "real" when they are absolutely convinced themselves that it is...

Well obviously we've got medications and psychotherapy and whatnot...but still! crazy!

-Abbie!

(i started writing this last week and forgot to finish..)
Well, winter break has officially come to an end. I had a test today (second day of class) and so it has really sunken in.. bye bye break. It was an amazing one filled with lots of going out but at the same time lots of resting which was very much needed after a long, torturous second semester.

Winter break consisted of...

working a lot, yogurt trips, IAG Christmas karaoke party, Ra Sushi, Yardhouse happy hour, Monster Sushi happy hour, renting a bunch of movies, going out to the movies, LA, Christmas with the family, downtown fullerton (and silly drunkeness), sleeping through the new year, Las Vegas (buffets, penny slots, free drinks, clubbing, jungle woman, shopping), Mammoth (snowboarding for the first time!), and hanging out with family from Australia (up all night playing guitar hero world tour, Melrose, fun car rides) etc.

and now it's back to school.. woo.

you know, although break is a billion times better/funner than going to school i actually kind of missed it. just a little bit. learning is actually exciting sometimes. i'm excited for the new skills we'll be learning such as inserting IVs and doing blood draws. man, i'm really going to feel like a nurse. eeep. scary!

Third semester. One more year! I swear it was just yesterday when i first started. I'm sooo anxious to graduate but at the same time i'm fearful of the real world. I just can't picture me being "grown up". Oh, the time is coming way too soon.

I've been sucking at posting up pictures due to the fact that my computer has gone crazy and my pictures are scattered all over different computers and different hardrives and i can't remember where i've been uploading them! i'll try harder next time.

weird. have i really been a pescatarian for two years now? crazy! i used to LOVE meat. korean bbq, chicken strips, carne asada, etc. and i haven't eaten any of that in two whole years?!

i'm just glad i didn't give up sushi. although if i did, i would be saving a LOT of money considering how often i eat it.. bah. weakness :(

i'll blog about winter break soon enough. it's been really fun and sadly it will soon come to an end. garrrr.

I realize that whenever something stresses me out the way i handle it is by trying not to think about it which is pretty stupid I guess since it really doesn't fix the problem.
My laptop decided to get all cray cray on me and there was no way I could even get to the desktop to attempt to fix it. I noticed a few problems such as constant pop ups and how it started to run slower awhile ago I decided to ignore it... until finally it just crashed.
And of course I had absolutely nothing backed up. I started to freak out because my whole life (aka pictures and schoolwork) was all in there.
Me being completely computer retarded had no idea what to do. I couldn't even think of any possible problems and any possible solutions. ughh.
Thankfully Julian is the best and helped me out, except I had to wait a whole week because he was back home. So i spent about 100 bucks on an external hardrive and used a different program to back up all my shit. Thank the LAWD it was still all there.

So.. i think i know what my new years resolution is going to be..
I would like to try to be more tech saavy. Shit, or at least somewhat more knowledgeable on computers. Hopefully this way I can avoid problems or at least learn to fix them on my own. Oh, and to not avoid problems thinking it will fix itself on its own.

OH. i got an 84 out of 100. BALLLAA! wow i really sound braggy. i'm sorry really. im not usually. it was just a very exciting day. k bye. why am i writing in this like an instant message.
PEACE

How could i forget to mention that the last few weeks before school ended i studied my ASSSSS off! OH. because that's my life ALL the time.
The night before my final i stayed at the USC library until 12am to study. got home and studied for two more hours. woke up at 4 to study and got to school by 6:30 to study until 9:30. took the damn final AT LAST and thought i was going to shit in my pants bc it was the hardest test i'd ever taken. 100 questions.
Waited around bc they said the results would be ready in two hours. ate at little tokyo with a buncha people and had cold sake for the first time. shitty. got to school and waited a billion more hours. FINALLY they call out our names and WTF. I was worried about not even passing the class and instead i raised my grade from a C to a B! ARE YOU SERIOUS? everyone prays to just get by with a C. C=RN. lol. ok i really don't mean to sound like i'm bragging but i was seeerriously in disbelief! ahhhhh. and now i can relax. and i haaave been. love it. OH I LOVE BREAK.

i think i may part ways with blogspot soon.

I absolutely LOVE winter break! It's such a strange feeling to not have to worry about studying. I almost feel useless. I'd like to feel this way forever!

I've done so much more these last 5 days of break than i did all semester long. And it's not that i've been out doing crazy things and traveling the world or anything. I've just not been couped up in my room or at a borders or barnes and noble stressing my brains out about the next quiz or test. It's wonderful.

Aimee's back from Germany! Yay! I think i've seen her everyday of my break. I'm so excited she's back. Now i have friends to play with.

I'm just going to list what i've done (mostly for the purpose of me remembering what i did winter break). nothing exciting really.

Thursday- IAG Christmas party at a korean karaoke place. Best night ever! i LOVE the IAG crew!

Friday- Party at Diva's

Saturday- Ra Sushi bar in Torrance with Aimee

Sunday- I don't remember... ugh. what the hell did i do?

Monday- LA/Arclight with Julian to see Slumdog Millionaire. Amazing! one of my new fav movies for suuure!

Tuesday- Downtown Fullerton with Aimee

Wednesday- Nothing really. helped make yummy ceviche with my mom!

Lame entry. I'll post a more meaningful one with pics later.

Ugh. EXTREME information overload.
it goes in and immediately goes out of my brain.

I'm so damn ADD right now. I need to focus. I need to study.
I've noticed that i've become a coffee drinker these last few weeks.
I don't even like coffee (funny that i work at a coffee shop) and i don't
even really know if it does anything for me.
It takes me about 1-2 minutes to finish a cup. I'm not one of those that
enjoys their coffee and take sips of it here and there. I gulp it. Really.
And the reason i do it is to avoid the taste in my mouth. That's what she said!
oh how i love myself... ha jk.

I saw the movie chang-a-lang (lol. aka "Changeling") and it's really great!
Very very interesting and great acting. Anyone see it?
Definitely went in a direction i totally didn't expect. It kind of freaked me out..
Anyways. Go see it. Hmm.. now that i'm really thinking about it.. why is it called Changeling?
Did i miss something!?

Went to the LA light show with Christine, Saena, and Vince last night.
Definitely wasn't as cool as it sounds.
First we kept getting lost. Oh vince, what an asian driver.
Then we get there and we get on a really smelly shady looking prison bus
thinking it's going to take us to where we need to be. Little did we know that
while we were in there, the whole time we were experiencing the "light show"
Basically you look outside and there are displays of christmas themed lights..
Lasted about 3 min. And on the way back to the parking (where the bus picked us up)
it took maybe 20 min. HOW?I don't know.
It's ok. We ate Denny's afterwards and the seasoned french fries made the night
10 times better. How i love potatoes...

Good luck on Finals!
winter break! you're just around the corner!

-Abbie

SO OVER SCHOOL.

Warning: This entry describes very gross material
i watched a creepy hippie-porno-like video on vaginal births the other day... (no, not for my own pleasure but for clinicals)
basically the point of watching it was just to see a different take on the way people viewed/performed/delivered a baby.
THERE ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE WHAT HAPPENED IN THIS VIDEO. i really don't even know what to say. oh if only you could watch it...

highlights
-first of all it was from the 70s (and this was not animated or a re-enactment) HIPPIES. EVERYONE.
-no one wore gloves (touching the vagina and baby and placenta and ALL with bare hands. wtf)
-everyone had really long hair that was not tied back (easily could have touched places it should not be touching)
-the husband was in there and while the woman is literally laying there with her legs wide opened, naked, baby trying to come out, she and her husband start "smooching" (aka making out wtf)
and the midwiveS(multiple) are stimulating the woman's nipples (biggest nipples i've ever seen!)
-woman kept saying "oh baby, oh baby" while looking at her husband
-more that i can't remember or most likely just trying to block out of my memory for good

AHHH. ok so i guess there ARE words to describe what i saw in this video.. but OMG. AH. Definitely a different take on it!

Ok, so you kind of understand why the hell they're doing that: arousal and stimulation of the woman(nipples) can help start uterine contractions. Which is a good thing..needed for the baby to be delivered.. Yeah i won't go into detail. I just had to share. Weirdest video ever.
I think i'd rather watch real porn. NOT. Keepin it PG!

-abbie

TERENCE! LOL. YOU LOVE ME

Note to self: don't wait until you completely run out of underwear to finally do the laundry. undie-less is NOT cute/comfortable.

it's been a good and bad for day weekend. good because i had no school on thursday, it was turkey day and i had lootttsss of mashed potatoes. CARBS! my weakness, went to a free metrostation show in LA on friday night, palapas in dt fullerton/in n out/hangout at mike's on saturday night, lots of time for napping and laziness!
bad because of all the napping and laziness when i should have been studying for my finals that i have in two weeks! yes i need to start early! it may seem like that's enough time when in fact it ISN'T. so much material to study. ahhh. brain explosion!




















beer is NOT my friend. i HATE IT.







































'

Happy Thanksgiving to all who read my blog! (Ha..two or three people. Hi!)

I love the feeling of a holiday. I don't know why. Makes me all warm and tingly inside(that's what she said!) Christmas time is coming up! Meaning winter break is just around the corner. Can you tell I'm really anxious for it to come? I talk about the coming of break every blog. But this semester is HELL. gotta get out and get it done and over with already.

Yesterday I observed/helped with a vaginal delivery. YES. i was face to vagina. Ok not literally but i was RIGHT THERE. I had to help hold my patient's legs back and up to open up her pelvic cavity because her baby was pretty big. I'm sure you're thinking "wow that's fucking gross", and yeah.. i guess it kind of is. Bloody and not sexy at all but it was absolutely amazing. Really! I just couldn't believe it. Conception and the whole giving birth is truly a miracle. It's so unbelievable, right? Of course we understand exactly how it happens and the smallest details of how it all occurs. but WOW. ah. I can't even describe how it makes me feel. Oh, the wonders of life...

Ok but also. Watching how painful and excruciting it probably was made me not want to have babies anymore. At least not 8. OUCH. And i just think to myself "how the HELL is THAT going to come out of ME..my you know what". OUCH.

oh. and i also got to play with the placenta.. haha.

I watched Girl, Interrupted last night! Pretty good movie. I really enjoy movies that take place in some kind of psych institution type of setting. Can't wait to work in the psych ward next semester.

alright! poop time.

Less than a month away until winter break!
I just need to make it through school these last few weeks. ughhh.

So i found out that the trip to Africa that i'm dying to go to will cost.. oh.. well you know..
only 4,000 dollars! YEAH. okay. Like i can really afford that? I work once a week at basically a minimum wage job. NO WAY i can afford that. And my parents already don't support my wanting to go so they definitely won't help with the funding. SO SO SO SO sad.. i feel so heartbroken about it. It really has been a dream of mine for awhile now to go. But i shouldn't be too sad about it. I'm definitely going when i graduate. I can't wait to be a travel nurse for while!

This time next year i'll be getting ready to graduate! I'm extremely excited to be an RN. Really. This is truly what I want to do for the rest of my life.. well of course I eventually want to become a Nurse Practitioner.. but i truly LOVE what i do! I have finally started to feel a lot more comfortable and more confident in working with patients. It's such a good feeling when i'm working with patients and start to use what i've been learning in class. Before nursing classes and all, just taking the G.E's and what not it's just like ughh why am i even learning this? i'm NEVER going to use this information really. But now I always think to myself "oh wow i know exactly why this is happening.. i know this disease's causes and treatments" etc. etc. And i feel really great when I can actually teach my patients useful information. haha. i feel like a nurse! It's so much fun. And i know i constantly complain and bitch about how much studying i have to do and yada yada yada but it's really really fun too. I can't wait to be making my own $$$$$. holler!

Last week i watched House Bunny at the dollar theatre. Hilarious!
Friday i saw Twilight. It was pretty good. Definitely wasn't absolutely amazed by it or anything but it was enjoyable. Makes me want to read to book which is apparently alllll the rage right now. Oooohhh if only i had time for leisure reading. ha!
Friday i also watched the first Harry Potter movie. I've never seen it before! Everyone is so tiny! I liked it and decided to rent the second one the next day. I still have to finish it though. The trailer to The Blood Prince really got me excited so that's why i randomly decided to start watching the movies.

It's so strange that Thanksgiving is in 4 days. And before you know it, it's going to be Christmas! Life is just going by sooo quickly. I don't want to be old!

-Abbie

I feel very bloated.

on tuesday i decided to finally do something to my hair. i didn't want to cut it anymore because i love the length so i thought maybe i'd dye it. i decided to get highlights under my hair. underlights? anyways i didn't want to get a whole lot just a few here and there and under my bangs. i was going for a blonde color. i also told her exactly what i didn't want. no hint of orange or yellow or copper or bronze or brass. HA. the lady said she knew exactly what i wanted to i trusted her. she proceeded to dye my hair. which took forever i dont know why. then dry it which also took forever. and whenever she would check on the color she's put more dye because it wouldnt come out. i was doing that for 2 hours. UGH. then she washes my hair. i look at the mirror and i'm absolutely horrified. it was yellow. bright yellow. and i was like is this the color??? and she said oh i'm going to tone it down. so i was alright but really irritated that it was taking forever. i was at the sink with her washing and re-dying my hair for another hour. strained neck pissed off. hungry. tired. needing to pee.
FINALLY. we went back to the chair and she asked if i wanted a cut. i said no. maybe a small trim. then. she spend half an hour doing what? cutting and layering my hair. WTF. i told her not to do that shit. i'm so pissed at this point. AND not to mention my hair color. omg. my bangs were a different color from the rest of the highlights which were all diffferent colors from each other. brown. yellow. orange. copper. OMGGGGGGGGG. i left pissed off. i threw a tantrum as i was driving home. really.
ugh i was so mad. people said it looked fine and they liked it. i know they were lying! it was horrible.

yesterday i went back and made them fix it. it's now more of an ashy brown/blonde. a million times better than before thank god. i'm really happy about it. but still pissed that my hair is shorter and thinner. i miss my long black hair..

ok thats all. this entry is dumb.

-abbie

Last two weeks have been pretty rough. School, life, and more life and more school. Test after test after test and just a mix of all these different emotions.
It's so damn draining. Winter break where art thou!

Yesterday was Halloween and it's the first time I didn't go trick-or-treating. I woke up at 4:15 in the morning to get ready for work and Rahn wanted us to be playboy bunnies. Ugh. She even made the outfits which surprisingly came out pretty good. Who knew she could be so crafty?
Well that was alright. HA. I got asked out by a customer! A cross eyed black guy.. I always try to avoid this guy because apparently he asks people when i work or whatever. Creep! I don't even know his name..
I was making bagels and he's standing by the counter asking what time I get off. I say "oh at 12 it's not too bad of a shift it's pretty cool" (me thinking he was just asking how many hours i work that day) and he's like "ooh well you know I was wondering.. would you like to have breakfast with me after work? just over here at the INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES". and in my head i'm like.. isn't that..IHOP? ha! Why did he have to make it sound all fancy n shit? oh man And i'm like "oh well actually i'm having lunch with desiree today" "oh ok well how about another time? tomorrow, next week?". So i'm like uhhh "well you know we really can't go out with customers. We could really get in trouble" and he says "Well if you don't tell, I won't tell" (superrr creeepy like) and i just laugh and i say i'm really sorry but i can't... I don't know why i didnt just say i had a boyfriend. That would have made it a lot easier. oh my.

Last night i went to Hard with Julian. SO MUCH FUN. I dressed like Katy Perry, or well i wore a Katy inspired outfit i suppose. Kinda just came up with whatevz. We drove there and there was a shit load of cars and people all over the streets. Took awhile to finally get parked. And then we saw the line and it was maaasssiivee. i was like what the hell we're never getting in. And this thing is outdoors so you can see the stage and lights and all these people that were already in. Torture! Julian and i decided to cut a billion people thank god. good thing we werent a huge group. He went.. then I came 5 min later (that's what she said! ha that was a good one!!). Even after getting tix at willcall we had to wait in yet another line that literally move 1 foot every 10 minutes. A big giant crowd just trying to get in. we waited maybe an hour and at last we were in. So exciting. I've never really been to anything like this before and I had the best time ever! 4 stages and many many people playing. Got to see crystal castles, DJ AM, boys noize, amongst others. Didn't see Justice or Soulwax though.. boooo!!! it's ok. still sooo fun. Can I just say that watching people on E is the grossest thing ever? Or at least the couples that do it. EWWW. They truly have no shame. VOMIT. VOMIT. haha. Well we did lots of dancing and walking and searching for people. so fun. definitely want to go again.































































-Abbie!

i'm fat and lazy.
all i want to do is eat. sleep. shop.

i started my pediatrics and obstetrics rotation this week. i'm so excited to be working with kids! they're so adorable! 9 weeks left. hurry up winter break.. pleeeaaseee.

i don't like getting too into my personal life on blogs and whatnot but all i have to say is that this whole break thing makes me feel so strange. and weird. and sad. and bitter. but at the same time it gives me a chance to do whatever i want.

i talk to aimee practically everyday online/skype. actually, i literally talk to her every single day haha. can't wait for her to get back. we've been talking about different things we want to do over winter break. now that we're 21 we should be able to do a looot more. woo hoo.

blah. life is busy. everyone is busy. i never go out or do anything or talk to anyone really. boooooooringggggggg. save me.

i knew that this time would eventually come.
eventually i would have liked to be on my own and experience life without being in a committed relationship. i'm young right? i need that.

i guess i just didn't expect it to be so soon. now. when i was completely happy with how everything was going.

but really there is no right time to do this. it would suck no matter when that time came.